De Stoplicht Regel in gesprekken – ken jij ‘m al? Voor als je wilt weten of je teveel praat

De Stoplicht Regel in gesprekken. Ken jij ‘m al? – In zijn HBR-artikel How to Know If You Talk Too Much citeert luisterexpert en schrijver van het boek Just Listen Mark Goulston zijn vriend en collega-coach Marty Nemko, die hem de Stoplicht-Regel bijbrengt. Nuttig als je wilt weten of je teveel praat tijdens persoonlijke of zakelijke gesprekken.

door Petra Hiemstra, 9 augustus 2024

De Stoplicht Regel in persoonlijke en zakelijke gesprekken

‘In the first 20 seconds of talking, your light is green: your listener is liking you, as long as your statement is relevant to the conversation and hopefully in service of the other person. But unless you are an extremely gifted raconteur, people who talk for more than roughly half minute at a time are boring and often perceived as too chatty. So the light turns yellow for the next 20 seconds – now the risk is increasing that the other person is beginning to lose interest or think you’re long-winded. At the 40-second mark, your light is red. Yes, there’s an occasional time you want to run that red light and keep talking, but the vast majority of the time, you’d better stop or you’re in danger. Nemko says that following the Traffic Light Rule is just the first step in keeping you from talking too much. It’s also important to determine your underlying motivation for talking so much. Is it that it just feels good to go on and on and get more stuff off your chest? Do you talk to clarify your thinking? Or do you talk because you often have to listen to other people, and when you’ve found someone who will let you have the microphone you just can’t help yourself? Whatever the cause, filibustering is usually a conversational turn-off, and may result in both of you deteriorating into alternating monologues. And that certainly will do little to move the conversation or your relationship forward.’